Are You Really Connecting When You Scroll?

Today I was supposed to go to Boise to do a podcast interview with Wendy about my book. Since Nora was staying with a friend there, I planned to make a day of it—record the podcast, finally meet Wendy in person, and then bring Nora home. I was really looking forward to connecting with Wendy face-to-face. But the fires have closed the freeway, and I'm so bummed.

The feeling of anxiety keeps building, just like the smoke in the air.

All of a sudden, I have an open day. Really, I should fill it with all the odds and ends that have been piling up—paying bills, bookkeeping, house cleaning, preparing to pack for a month, going to the gym, cleaning the office. None of those things would be bad uses of my time.

But they're not where I want to be.

Yesterday I logged out of my Instagram account. After nearly a week off Facebook, I realized how healthy it would be to take control of my relationship with social media. I don't have any plans to disconnect completely, but I would like to feel more in control of when I'm looking at my phone.

I noticed I pick up my phone—sometimes with a specific purpose, like to add something to my Walmart grocery cart—but my thumb automatically finds its way to Instagram or Facebook. Then I forget what I was doing in the first place. I know you do this too. I'm not special here.

But I've had a few interactions over the last week that have been eye-opening. They've made me realize that I'm allowing social media to dictate my mood far more than I'd like, not just my attention span.

These feelings first came up earlier this year around politics. I had this overwhelming thought: How can I respect people who post things like this? Who say such hurtful things? Who believe any of this?

It got to the point where I found myself wanting to be around people less.

Eventually, that storm settled.

Now, as wildfires are bombarding my home area, I'm watching people make this political. And maybe parts of it are political. But reading comments claiming the fires aren't being put out because it's profitable—while completely ignoring that our climate is getting warmer and that there's only so much the Forest Service can do—made me feel my blood pressure rising.

So I logged out of Facebook.

It was that simple.

I don't need to read those comments. I don't need to scroll through post after post complaining about the air quality. I already have plenty of reminders every time I look out the window or open the weather app. I don't need another one every time I open social media.

After a week off Facebook, I decided I needed to log out of Instagram too. That is when I realized I was afraid I'd feel disconnected.

Then I asked myself: Are you really connecting when you scroll?

A quick Google search suggested writing down the names of five to ten people I'd truly miss if I left social media.

I couldn't come up with more than eight.

Then it said, "Text those people."

That forced me to pause.

Sure, there are other people I follow that I don't have texting relationships with, but I'm not planning to disappear forever. I'd rather set aside a block of time each week to log in, catch up on what people are doing, and then log back out.

As for my business—which was my other excuse for staying constantly connected—I can schedule posts and check messages from a web browser.

I just want to be more intentional.

While talking with Wendy today after we realized we wouldn't be able to meet in person, she said, "You feel like a fast friend. But I worried that you didn't need any more friends."

She couldn't be more wrong.

I reached out to her months ago because I got this feeling that said, You and I should be friends.

As adults, making friends is hard.

I believe it's hard for kids too, especially teens, but they have more opportunities. Adults tend to live in small, repetitive circles. We see the same people, go to the same places, and opportunities to form new friendships are few and far between.

As I sat with it, I realized that's what's really underneath all of this.

I think I've been blaming social media, when what I'm really missing is connection.

I log into a pool of people with different values, different priorities, and an endless stream of posts that either show off the highs or complain about the world.

Meanwhile, what I'm actually craving is genuine connection with like-minded people.

Not more scrolling.

More conversations.

More coffee dates.

More walks.

More friendships that begin with, "I think you and I should be friends."

Because those are the connections that actually leave me feeling full. I invite you to join me. Or, send me a text :)